Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
