is your mom at the bar?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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