please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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