I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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