Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
