Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
