she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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