We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
