I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize