How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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