I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
