i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize