You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
