Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
