I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
