The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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