Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize