Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
