i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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