Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
