I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
