Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
