Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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