So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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