so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
