all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
