I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
