My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I want a musical about memes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
