yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
