I'm lost and stupid without you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
