If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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