Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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