Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize