She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
