Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
