yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
