We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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