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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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