quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
