I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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