you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did I show you my penis last night?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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