guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
