So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
