I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
