come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
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