I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Randomize
