yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
