Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
BRING THE BAGELS
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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