I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
