i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
