Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
