I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
