She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
