She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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