If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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