I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize