On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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