I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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