i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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