Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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