Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
