Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
