I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
