I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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