Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
