Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
where are my eyebrows?
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