I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
