I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
