can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
