my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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