I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
