I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
