sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
