The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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