I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We talked him into tasing himself.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
