I'm going to rape someone's good day.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
