every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
