Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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