i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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