Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
