bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
