we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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