i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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