if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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