Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
