i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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