So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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