she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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