my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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