Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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